


What A Lonely View

by EchoResonance



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, M/M, laven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 16:50:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4529655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoResonance/pseuds/EchoResonance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavi had a future ahead of him as the next Bookman, a long and prospective one. And he was alone in that. <br/>(For Laven week, day two: Future)</p>
            </blockquote>





	What A Lonely View

Lavi wasn’t much in the mood to deal with people at the moment and as such had burrowed into a forgotten corner of the library that was well and truly deserted. He hadn’t just woken up in a bad mood, though. He’d actually been in high spirits upon hitting the cafeteria with Allen for breakfast and had been making his customary shitty jokes and laughing himself hoarse recalling one time when he’d drawn on Allen’s face while he slept. Obviously it hadn’t lasted, and it was no big surprise what had sent his cheerful demeanor crashing down around his ears. Well, rather who had done it.

Bookman had been discreet enough when he pulled Lavi out of the cafeteria, but the moment they found a secluded hall Lavi knew hell was about to reach his ears. He was prepared for it, he’d heard it a dozen times: don’t make friends, be impartial, record secrets, blah, blah, blah. He was well-versed on the speech and at this point didn’t care in any way. He’d lost his unbiased facade a very long time ago and allowed himself to be pulled into the idiotic family that was the Black Order HQ, and he didn’t think that that should be a detriment to his duties as Bookman’s successor. Nonetheless, he’d wait til Bookman finished his lecture, smile and nod and go back to his research for a few hours, and then he’d go back to whatever he was doing before, generally being harassing other Exorcists and people in the science department.

This time was different. In the long run, it was the same speech, but the words...the words were new, and the perspective had changed. Not in a good or even indifferent way, either. Lavi swallowed thickly and tightened his arms, which were folded on the table in front of him with his chin resting on them like a lumpy pillow.

_“Lavi, you’re setting yourself up,” Bookman said bluntly. Taken aback, Lavi frowned, but he continued before his successor could interrupt. “I know Allen is new. I know he’s different and it’s interesting. And, God help me, I know he’s a wonderful boy. But these feelings of yours...they’re useless. Pointless. You should never have developed them in the first place, Lavi.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, you’ve said all that before, y’old panda,” Lavi said, waving away the simple reprimand. Something hard collided painfully with his cheek, sending him crashing into the wall a bang. Eyes watering, he reached up to touch the injured area, wincing at the bootprint embedded in the skin._

_“Disrespectful brat,” Bookman grumbled. “You know Bookmen are supposed to have no attachments in the first place. It’s our duty to remain impartial. But,” he continued, seeing that Lavi was about to speak again, “even aside from that, out of all the people to bond with over your eighteen years, nobody here, least of all Allen Walker, should have been the ones to sway you. These people are only going to hurt you if you grow close to them, Lavi. Nothing good will come of relationships here.”_

_Lavi stared at Bookman, baffled._

_“These people would die for each other, Gramps,” Lavi said incredulously. “How does that equal hurting people they’re close to?”_

_“How are akumas made, Lavi?” Bookman said abruptly. Lavi went still. “An akuma is made when a person’s grief is so great that it overrides all logic and reason. When a person is in so much pain repercussions no longer matter. And why are those people hurting?”_

_Lavi swallowed._

_“Because they lost someone they loved,” he answered woodenly. “But that--nobody here would--”_

_“My point isn’t the akumas, idiot,” Bookman snapped. “My point is there are more ways than fighting to hurt people, especially people you care about. When we first came here, you saw the body count.”_

_Lavi nodded woodenly, recalling all too vividly the rows and rows of coffins laid out in that massive room, with people weeping, inconsolable, everywhere he turned. It was normal in war, and he was used to mass funerals, but that was one that still hit him deep, and a little more so with each passing day, as the numbers of the dead only grew._

_“It’s only a matter of time before those coffins hold more Exorcists,” Bookman said cruelly. “There will be one for Miss Lenalee, and for Kanda. Marie, Krory, Miranda, even the Generals. And Allen Walker.”_

_Lavi flinched, but Bookman was relentless._

_“You have a future as the next Bookman, Lavi. You will live a long time, recording history in every corner of the world. These people here cannot say the same. Whether they are killed tomorrow, or weeks from now, or if they’re lucky enough to survive a few more years, their time will come, and much too soon. No matter how long they live, they have only one purpose, and they will die before seeing their goal realized. They have no future, and it’s stupid of you to pretend otherwise.”_

_“You can’t say that for sure, Gramps,” Lavi said shakily. “They can still do it; they’re making progress, they’re learning. They have a fighting chance at making it out alive. Allen--they aren’t gonna die just like that.”_

_Bookman closed his eyes, sighing heavily._

_“No, maybe some will make it out,” he said, though his tone was not convinced at all. “Maybe even a lot of them will. Maybe they’ll live through and even win this ridiculous war. But regardless of the outcome, even in the most favorable light, a boy like Allen has no chance.”_

_“How can you say th--”_

_“No parasitic-type accommodator gets long life, Lavi,” he snapped. “Having his Innocence living inside his arm puts his body under enormous strain, and as it does in every other case, it will slowly consume him until death. Innocence is too powerful and too pure to be housed in something as fragile as the human body, and it will ensure he dies at a young age. It’s unfortunate that this is his fate, I won’t deny that, but it’s an indisputable fact, you fool.”_

_“There’s never been an Exorcist like Allen before, though,” Lavi argued. “He’s hit critical point! His synchronization with his Innocence is perfect! So what if he eats like a damn fiend? That doesn’t mean his weapon is just gonna kill him! The Order could figure out a way to help if that actually was a problem, he’s one of the best Exorcists here, they’d never just let him g--”_

_“He hosts a Noah, Lavi,” Bookman said, and his tone was no longer sharp but very, very tired. “Allen is a good kid, a strong Exorcist, and he is a valuable ally to the Order. But the mere existence of a Noah inside him is a risk, a danger not only to the Order but also to the other Noahs and the Earl as well. Nobody is allied with the Fourteenth, Lavi; he is everybody’s enemy, and maybe he isn’t fully awakened now, maybe Allen is strong enough to fight him back for the time being, but the Noah will surface. It’s only a matter of time.”_

_“Allen’s stronger than that,” Lavi insisted stubbornly, but he could feel his body going cold. “He’s not...He’s not a Noah. He isn’t a traitor.”_

_“You know better than to believe that,” Bookman said. “It won’t be his fault when the Fourteenth takes over, but it will only be solved by his death. The boy knows that. And you and I both know that he would rather die than allow another Noah to exist through him. That time will come, and it will come soon. Either way, you will lose him. Make your peace with it now, Lavi. You should never have cared in the first place.”_

Lavi buried his face in his arms. No. No, he should not have cared. It was stupid and wrong and he’d always known it. And yet here he was, caring quite a lot, eyes stinging, throat burning, and chest aching because one thing he’d always known but refused to acknowledge had just been shoved in his face.

Exorcists had no future. Allen had no future.

Lavi did. And his future would never include the person he cared about most.


End file.
